Self-centered, it's ironic.

I'm slowly getting over myself, but my self esteem has yet to hit rock bottom - it just keeps dropping. Everyday I continue to think about how I'll never be good enough, how fat I am, and how ugly in general I look. I don't think I can keep doing this. I'm tired of being a gross mess, but there's nothing I can really do about it, can I?

So this weekend my dad was up from Florida in Jersey so I had Saturday and Sunday off to spend time with him since I haven't seen him since November and who knows when I'll see him again.

It was an adventure for me because I had to find my way up there through public transportation. Which was pretty cool because it was my first time experimenting, but the cool thing is I can now get to New York on my own if I wanted - not like I would have a purpose in New York anyway. The point is, I can say I successfully used multiple forms of transportation with out any anxiety attacks or mistakes.

My dad's friend Barbara held a big BBQ with all of their friends so I got to see people who I haven't seen since I was 13 or younger. I just wanted to make a big announcement "I LIVE IN PHILADELPHIA. I GO TO UARTS. I AM A COMMUNICATION MAJOR. I WANT TO BE A WRITER." And then make my grand exit for everyone to talk shit behind my back. "She's such a bitch." "She's so ugly." "She got so heavy!" It would've been better that way. I also had a blast having nine little kids screaming my name all wanting me to play nine different games... ALL AT ONCE.

Today we went to New Hope which is like a little shopping village that is full of bikers, hippies, and gays. Oh and "Indian Dress Shops." Over-priced tourist area on narrow walk ways on the Delaware. Woo hoo. I got sunburned, a henna tattoo, and the record store is no where to be found.

Now I'm tired as fuck, in need of olive oil, and just plain annoyed with everything.

I'd post pictures of my henna and my dad being retarded on here, but my card reader is missing. I'll just have to wait for everyone to post the pictures on facebook.

Here are some gross ones to hold you over until then.

My hair only straightens well at 2am.

This is me trying to be cute, but instead I just looks like a stiff dumbass.

Bad hair, crooked eyes, no cleavage, pointy chin.

Um, ew.

Sun burn and old lady boobs.

Henna - three stars. I like the idea of a tattoo there of random stars but I'm too afraid to commit to a tattoo.

Normal pose.

Standard Abstract Obvious Post

Something struck me today and I wish things had turned out differently. Even if different meant friends. I think we could be friends. But sometimes I wish we went about things in a more mature way. Neither one of were good at whatever we were doing. Too much misunderstandings and attitude. And sadly, I don't even think I'm sorry for the way I act(ed). Is it possible to start over? You know, just go out and get a pizza and take a walk? Wait, what am I thinking? It's never going to work out in my favor and more than likely not yours either. So where does this put us? Nowhere. For the better? We'll never know. It's a demented game of tag that needs to end.

:/?

yhwodissimuoythgirwon?ftwsignorwhtiwem?

Sam and I are cooler than you.

Bring it.

We went swimming in our clothes and got in trouble by a jerkoff attendant.

Oh yeah, be jealous. :)

Poor Frank... :(

Be jealous, we're touching!

BFF's

We're hot.

Rockstarrrrrrrsssss

$¢3n3!

Ultimate scene kid!

Look at that hair!

You want me.

Clearly cooler than you.

Tighttttt!

$0 $¢3n3

peace!

we're legit fishies, right?

Goodnight internets. <3

Let's Get Crazy

If I haven't mentioned my hate for boys, let me state it now. I HATE BOYS!  Granted, I don't help the situations at all, but that's still not fair!  This is seriously driving me nuts.  I am not even myself!  No, you don't understand, I can't be mean.  Yes, I said that I, Cassandra, can not be mean to a human being.  Srsly, wtf.

Anyway.

Friday night Sam and Em came over and we watched CSI, ate food and cookie dough, and even baked some cookies.  And we even took awkward, awesome, artistic-esque pictures of Sam's mouth (she found a weird spot on her back tooth). 

On Saturday night Sam and I got all dressed up and she made me look pretty and we strutted around Philly and went out to dinner at Oliver Garden.  It was nice to finally eat a decent amount of food since my previous illness killed my appetite to the point where a granola bar was enough for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and all in-between 'nacks.  Afterwards we walked back over to our neighborhood and harassed the park by walking around it 8758349653 times.  Eventually we got bored with that and ventured into Barnes and Noble to find two gay men fighting because one tried to fuck a straight guy.  We scared our friend Mark as he came out of work followed by a trip to Wendy's where I was graceful and classy (as usual) and dumped frostyshake on myself.

Monday was another almost-all-day-sam-day.  When she got off I went to her house and helped her clean her room and go through her clothes, which meant I got some cool Sam stuff to wear now.  Then three hours later and after 90210-ness, Sam and I met up again.  We sat in the park then her boyfriend called and we helped him find a parking spot.  They helped me hang up my posters and fix my bed.

Finally, on Tuesday, I had to work (LAME) and I got to hang out with Em and Frank.  I was STARVING before work and never actually found any food, so I was really anxious to eat my sandwich, which went missing.  Why wouldn't it?  So I don't have time to wait for Dave to make me a new one, so I eat cookies.  And of course when I get back from break, he found my sandwich.  What would you like me to do a sandwich that I can't eat until 10 and I'm still hungry?  After work Frank and I went on an adventure to get pizza on South Street where I ate three very large slices of pizza which is probably equivalent to about six regular slices.  This is why I'm fat.  It was nice hanging out with Frank though.  He's such a nice person.  He's easy to talk to and we can talk about hot guys and hot girls together and he pretty much gets everything.  He even walked me home at midnight even though it was like 10 blocks from his house.

Today I have a day off and I am going to spend it being lazy and trying to figure out why exactly I am sick... AGAIN.  And maybe a trip to CVS to buy Flinstones vitamins I have been advised by several people to buy.

Sam's mouth...

Shitty dirty mirror picture.

Myspace angle.

Gross bathroom background FTL.

Dare you to fucking judge me.

3DDucca

You didn't know I was a pirate?

Sleeping pirate with a penis-pig-snout-anchor-tattoo

think think think...

So there are two things currently on my mind.
1. Dating
2. Nose piercings

I don't date because people 1. don't ask and 2. don't like me.
I understand that I am not the nicest person, but you know, I can be a decent human. At both of my jobs people are always talking about their boyfriends or what's happening in their dating life. This one kid is talking about how he's trying to date this girl and blahblahblah. This NEVER happens to me. Creepy men on the street and Ali are the only people who like me. I am starting to think that everyone in my life is lying to me and I am right. Oye. fkdjskjdgfhds;g

I want my nose pierced. But I am slightly terrified of it because on some days I won't want it and the simple fact that it would look DUMB on me. Here are my trial photos from a while ago...

eyeliner:



ring:



stud:



I don't even know why I am talking about my life. No one reads this crap!