Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

"boys like you are overrated. so save your breath." loaded words and loaded friends are loaded guns to our heads






with every breath i wish your [my] body will be broken again, again



you will never see my picture next to this definition.

In my life, nothing has ever been good enough. I could give up everything I have to the homeless and no one would commend me, it would be "why aren't you doing anything for underprivileged kids?" or "you know there are neglect animals that you could be helping, right?" I will never be happy. I never have, never will. If I have remotely anything that could make me happy, instead of letting me have it, people have to find something "wrong" with it so I can't have that to make me happy. And taking what little light of happy away from me puts me right back at unhappy.

Sadly, I'm almost content with being alone and worthless.

I just wish I could be myself, get what I want, and be happy.
nevergonnahappen.

And I don't think anyone understands that I'm giving it up. It's going to go further than forgetting it ever happened. Even though it had the potential to be good, but not really.

I know, once a slut, always a slut. I have to live with it, not you.


I was in much better shape yesterday.


This sucks.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Written on the Train (5/26/09)

Dear Blog,

It’s been awhile.  I walked away in December for a couple different reasons.  The main one being my class ended, so why keep up?  Well, if I remember correctly, one of the points of the class was to try and have a meaningful blog to establish ourselves as writers?  That being said, I crashed and burned pretty hard at the end of that semester so I chose to walk away from it.

On my first adventure this summer, I decided that I should probably pick the blogging habit up again and for real try this time.  Considering, in the fall I will be taking Writing for the Web, and I’m 97.9% sure I will have to blog again – it takes seven days to create a habit!

So, this post serves as a re-introduction and instead of playing catch up, we’ll just jump right into my life.

Here goes nothing…

School ended a couple weeks ago and I think it had to have been the worst so far.  The moral of the story is, don’t get hit by a car at the beginning of finals week.  (Oh, don’t worry.  I was fine it was just a bump.  Clearly, I am still alive.  But I still don’t recommend it at all.)

I guess you can say my summer is in full swing?  Well, to a certain extent.  I am currently being scheduled full time since I am down to one job for the summer – I love working seven days in a row!  But because of this full time cashier position and pretending to be a grown up with an apartment and bills, I am not spending my summer in RVA – you know, the 8OH!4.  But hopefully, my social life will expand a bit more, because believe it or not, I now have friends in this city (Sam, Em, and Mark).  Em promised me a good summer, so I’ll let you know whether or not she’s holding her side of the deal.  Can’t. Wait. To. Hang. Out.

This past weekend, I took a trip home for my mom’s housewarming party.  It almost offends me when people’s first reactions to learning that my mom moved is, “did she tell you?”  Why wouldn’t she tell me?  People must have awful parents…

Anyway, so I spent Friday night at my favorite subway and hanging out with my BFFs, brother, Nana and Pop-Pop, and of course my mom and stepdad and his mom.  Ali, Kirsten, and I did visit my favorite store, Wal-Mart, at 1 o’clock in the morning and almost died going through neighborhoods at 70MPH. 

Saturday I drove Kirsten to PAL so she could get her new kitten Kreacher checked out and stuff.  It was a nice day at home full of harassment – my favorite. 

Sunday was the “warm house party” and naturally, large groups of people bring out the best of me and Christopher (my brother).  Of course, when I find out the group of boys are playing a boxing game on the PS3, I decide real boxing is a much better idea and get my boxing gloves to box my brother in the family room in front of a bunch of strangers.  I also got to see my friend Shatara from high school for the first time in a year and a half, and that was pretty awesome.  I forgot how much I love her and NEED her in my life.  I hate meeting new people that don’t get you and they don’t even try to understand what you’re doing.  On Sunday I did a lot of standing around with a fake smile, talking to strangers, and telling them all about art school and how much I like Philadelphia.

Monday was my designated shopping day because I hate everything about myself and want to start over, (I know I won’t change, I’m too stubborn).  I only bought a pair of jeans and belly button decorations.  Kohls and Target failed me.  We also took my brother bowling, which was a fun adventure.  It’s always amusing when you put a group of Chesterfield kids into a place full of Short Pump kids – oh boy are we 73873647823 times more obnoxious than normal.  I won and scored a 100 – that was the highlight of my night.  I am also a cell phone thief.

Currently, we just pulled into Baltimore; so close to Philly, but too far from Richmond.  My trip home was cut way too short.  Slowly I’m finding out I am not ready to accept and deal with things I thought I was perfectly capable of doing.

Alright Blog, I am going to go and maybe take another nap and deicide who I am going to buy a pizza for tonight before I get to my city.  I’ll post you when I get back to my Internet.

Love,

Cassandra












Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I am extremely unhappy and angry.

Right now everything is just irritating to me. The fact that I am still breathing makes me want to destroy the world.

I am lucky enough to have a dishwasher in my apartment, but now it is broken. Apparently, my roommates are so spoiled, they don't know how to live without a dishwasher. It's been broken for about a week now and the dishes have piled up. I go to school four days a week and work two jobs - they just go to school. How is it that I have found time to wash all of my dishes and they haven't? When Kirsten was here last week, she even washed dishes - SHE EVEN WASHED ONE OF HARMONY'S BECAUSE SHE NEEDED IT TO MAKE LASAGNA AND HARMONY DIDN'T WASH IT FROM HER ASPARAGUS! Yesterday, I couldn't/wouldn't cook on the stove. None of the pots were clean and there was a pan full of peppers. So I had to go use the last of my money to buy something to cook in the microwave. And get this, when I finished, I WASHED my dishes, and then PUT THEM AWAY - amazing, I know. Tonight on my 15 minute break I came up to find five glasses and mug washed. I was pissed and hungry (at this point, I had only eaten fruit loops at 11.30 this morning and it was now 7.15) so I just threw all of the stuff stove in the sink so I could make a grilled cheese. Then, I took my pan and plate and set them on the microwave with a note saying "I will wash these when I get off." I get home, there are clean dishes washed, not put away, and someone decided it would be a good idea to put mine in the sink. Well, I washed, dried, and put away my dishes before peeing and taking off my work clothes. Not. That. Hard. We'll see how long this goes on, because there are still dishes in the sink and on the stove that are being neglected.

We have a HUGE living room, with no furniture, I was smart enough to bring a comfy chair to lounge in. I didn't realize that this meant I was never going to be able to sit in my chair. Both of them sit in it and take it whenever they please. Harmony actually stole it from me one time while I was doing homework so she could eat dinner and watch TV. Thanks for making me do my homework on the floor.

Cable. Over the summer, we were discussing the things that we wanted/needed for the apartment. We all agreed that we needed Internet, but neither one of them wanted cable. Well, I got cable, internet, and phone. The deal was, I didn't pay electric and gas, but I paid comcast. That sounds like a good idea, except when they both sit in the living room watching TV with the computers in their laps. I pay $200 a month for Comcast and they pay about $40-$60 a month each for electric and gas. I am to the point, where I am going to tell them that they are going to have to start paying for that too because I was under the impression that by not wanting something meant never or rarely using it.

Comcast is on my murder list anyway, when we inquired about cable and Internet, they said that their Triple Play package was $125 a month. There was a slight catch that the first couple of months there would be an extra charge for installation and crap, but I didn't realize that meant $500. Guess who had to pay that?! Yup. My bills are still over $200. Now, this is where it gets really frustrating. On my bill, it has the "bundle charge" as $109. Then, it has an Internet services charge of like $40. Now, I know I am not a mathmetican, but 109 plus 40 does not equal $125. Never mind the fact that I am being charged for Internet twice. I plan on writing a letter to Comcast to complain. I'd just call customer service, but I hate customer service - I don't have time for rehersed human beings that won't actually help me.

I am going to write the North Star Bar a letter for completely screwing Fall Out Boy fans over last Friday. They told us we weren't allowed to be seen before 2PM. So after pacing around a shady block, we chose to go to a pizza place and hang out. We left the pizza place at 1.30 to get ready to ninja in line at 2. We peek around the corner to see that there is already a line. My first instinct was to NOT get in the line, because it was before 2, and they could very easily be like "HA! You can't get in because you lined up before 2." But, I looked closer, and I saw the secruity guard down at the front of the line. How can you be a dick about rules, then break them yourself? Needless to say, we didn't get it and we wasted an entire day in the ghetto.

There's this girl Leigh Ann at work, don't get me wrong, she is nice to me (which is rare for a human being to do) and she is pretty funny, but sometimes I just want to tell her to shut up. She talks about how smart she is and blahblahblah, yet she's failing community college? She wanted to bazillion major in Anthropolgy, Russian, and like eight other things that no one really cares about. And now, all of a sudden, she wants to go to art school for Musical Theatre or "Video Production." (By video production, she means broadcast journalism - oh by the way, she didn't know the term, I had to tell her.) Tonight she was talking about all of the pericings and tattoos she still wants to get (she has like 8 peicings and 4 tattoos already) and she wants more. I am not a shallow person who judges someone one peircings and tattoos, but when you have an abundance of them, musical theatre and broadcast journalism aren't very smart fields to go into.

I live with such geniuses, that someone turned the radiator on in the kitchen, with the two trash bags (that they are neglecting to take out) left up against it. Go ahead burn the building down.

This is just a bad week. Everything that can go wrong has and will go wrong.

jnkghs;fg;kshfgyi['sdg'sl!

Oh yay.

I have my screen back. I don't know why it died or why it came back. So, I suppose that's good. Now I can go back to being a functioning blogger and procrastinator. No more angry, suicidal sidekick posts.

Monday, November 10, 2008

I did something I've never done before

I colored my hair with a box.
I know that sounds extremely bratty and stuck up (you can't always hide everything), but I have been spoiled with my hair. My step mom is/was a hairdresser, but I no longer speak to her so that's out of the window. My aunt is also a hairdresser, but she lives in West Virginia, so that's unattainable. I figured if my best friend's mom and grandma could color their hair with a box, I think I can. So I did. And it was successful... I think.
I seriously had anxiety, I always do when it comes to my hair.
No one noticed it either unless I told them. Oh well.


Before.



During - CVS Woman

Avocado Oil in mah hair!


Clean Hair.


After.

:(

My best friend went home today. :(



Yes, I enjoy "Hannah Montana." Thanks.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Friday

I hate Fridays. I really do. The only think I like about Fridays is money. I get paycheck(s) on Friday and it goes in direct deposit, so it's like Christmas. But it's always fun balancing your checkbook and going from $700 to $100. Yay being a grown up.
Fridays are seriously the worst day of the week:
8.30-11.20: Information Concepts
11.30-4: Work Study
4-5: Dinner
5-10: Work
13 1/2 hours. The joy that is Friday.

Currently, I am at work study... I am really pondering going into Maria's office and napping on her couch for the next hour, that would be nice. I really don't know what to blog about. I am just kind of bored and don't know what to do. Michelle (my work study boss) and I are going to do a joint blog about our observations of humans. It will be the best blog in the entire world. I will obviously share it on here.

I worked on my screenplay a bit, I decided that if I ever become a screenwriter or if I ever have to write a screenplay for someone, I am going to pay another person to do the formatting for me. I do not have time for sluglines. Especially in phone conversations. Pfft.

INT. CHELSEA'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
EXT. OUTSIDE OF A JOB SITE - AFTERNOON
INT. CHELSEA'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
EXT. OUTSIDE OF A JOB SITE - AFTERNOON
INT. CHELSEA'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
EXT. OUTSIDE OF A JOB SITE - AFTERNOON
INT. CHELSEA'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
EXT. OUTSIDE OF A JOB SITE - AFTERNOON
INT. CHELSEA'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
EXT. OUTSIDE OF A JOB SITE - AFTERNOON
INT. CHELSEA'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
EXT. OUTSIDE OF A JOB SITE - AFTERNOON
INT. CHELSEA'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
EXT. OUTSIDE OF A JOB SITE - AFTERNOON
INT. CHELSEA'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
EXT. OUTSIDE OF A JOB SITE - AFTERNOON

INT. CHELSEA'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
EXT. JOB SITE - AFTERNOON
INT. CHELSEA'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
EXT. JOB SITE - AFTERNOON
INT. CHELSEA'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
EXT. JOB SITE - AFTERNOON
INT. CHELSEA'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
EXT. JOB SITE - AFTERNOON
INT. CHELSEA'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON

Freaking phone conversations. I don't think soooo! I hate to tell you, but if they're on the phone, the time of day isn't going to randomly change. Whatever.

I'm kind of sad 90210 hasn't been on for two weeks. Especially after the ending from the last episode - OH MAH GAWD.

I want to get something pierced.

I am bored and tired. I should probably shut up and find a way to nap (and pee).

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

think think think...

So there are two things currently on my mind.
1. Dating
2. Nose piercings

I don't date because people 1. don't ask and 2. don't like me.
I understand that I am not the nicest person, but you know, I can be a decent human. At both of my jobs people are always talking about their boyfriends or what's happening in their dating life. This one kid is talking about how he's trying to date this girl and blahblahblah. This NEVER happens to me. Creepy men on the street and Ali are the only people who like me. I am starting to think that everyone in my life is lying to me and I am right. Oye. fkdjskjdgfhds;g

I want my nose pierced. But I am slightly terrified of it because on some days I won't want it and the simple fact that it would look DUMB on me. Here are my trial photos from a while ago...

eyeliner:



ring:



stud:



I don't even know why I am talking about my life. No one reads this crap!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

"I've got 200 seconds and I am ready to go..."

I am blunt and hateful.
I like a lot of different things that most people don't care about. I take myself way too seriously, but still easily made fun of. I have lived in Philadelphia for a year and I still don't have any friends here. I have two best friends from "home" (Virginia).
Here are a few random things about myself:
- People have a tendency not to like me.
- I am never happy.
- I easily laugh.
- I speak my own language.
- I have anxiety.
- I have commitment issues.
- My only talent is complaining.
- I am the most most predictable unpredictable person.
- I know all of the words to "Ice Ice Baby."
- I am the whitest person you know.
- I am stubborn.
- I have an addictive personality.
- I am straight edge.
- I fluctuate between the ages of 6 and 12 daily.
- I have 4 pairs of glasses.
- I am random.
- I like to dance.
- I like the Chicago Bears and the New York Yankees.
Want to know more, quiz me about myself.

In this blog I will probably talk about how much I hate my life and such - you won't get the pathetic hours worth of material version. I see myself as an all around person and I want that to be portrayed on here.

Sidekick Updates:
Blogger has a feature where you can e-mail updates from your sidekick, so expect A LOT of those. Pictures, complaints, stories, randomness... be prepared.

American Apparel:
I find their clothes interesting and unreasonable. I want to find a way to potentially review an outfit or article of clothing a week. Whether it is harassing the internet or going to the store and trying their clothes on.

Artist of the Week:
As I mentioned above, I have an addictive personality. When I listen to music, I have a tendency to get stuck listening a certain band or singer. So I will bring it up and talk a bit about the artist and why I am obsessing over them that week.

Feeds:
I have probably well over 100 feeds that I read daily. I would like to share some of the interesting ones with you! I will have posts with links to different sites and blogs with different content. I will include any pictures that I find funny.

Also, please feel free to harass my sidebar, more stuff will be up soon. Right now I have my last.fm and my twitter mainly.

I hope you lurk again.

Fanx.