I’m pacing, impatient

Up in my head

Remember that time I was getting graded for updating my blog? That was perfect, I got graded on being somewhat funny and an asshole. I miss how simple that was. Now I have to write serious papers on how to fix America's political and media problems - some teachers don't respond well to sarcasm.
The amount of papers I wrote in the last week was ridiculous, I really don't know how my brain is still processing words and their meanings.

I have close to a 50-hour work week this week, and by the time I get on my train at 3:30 (or whenever it arrives from fucking Boston - Boston ruins everything!) on Friday, it will feel like I worked a 100-hour work week. A little piece of advice for those of you Christmas shoppers out there, calm the fuck down. The cashiers aren't all going to walk out on you, I promise - we want to get paid. Also, revert back to kindergarten rules of forming a line. If you are the only one standing strangely away from everyone else, more than likely you decided to ignore the line that was already formed and you are going to get "cut in front of" because no one realizes that you were in line. And to continue on this topic, line breaker, because you are not visibly in line, don't yell at me because I called the guy who was obviously in line and then when I offer to take you instead don't allow him to go, because you just wasted all of our time. I don't know what it is about Jesus' birthday that makes people spend hundreds of dollars on food and take crazy pills, but it has got to stop.

I went out this morning because I needed sneakers for this week so I can keep my feet attached to my legs, Christmas cards, and Dunkin' Donuts, I didn't encounter any crazys luckily, but I was also never persuaded to lose my mind and flip out. So I am not quite sure what the deal is luckily.

Lastly, when I am a rich grown up I won't take crazy pills before appearing in public, nor will I treat customer service human beings like crap because I know how they feel. I encourage you to take my advice.

Today was a weird day, it was my first REAL day off. I am talking no work and no homework. And I just feel weird, empty, and incomplete. I am going to be wishing I had today back, I say around 7:30 Monday night, 4:30 Tuesday evening, 2:30 Wednesday afternoon, 6:30 Thursday morning, and 11:30 Friday morning.

Random fact of the night, I painted my nails Barbie pink tonight - deal with it! :)

I am taking offers from people who want to clean my room. I don't have a whole lot to offer, but I am pretty sure we can try and work something out that will benefit both of us.

SnakeDucca in full effect tonight.
Yes, I am sitting in front of a fan; if I don't my computer will catch on fire.

If I woke up alone, I won't stop 'till I find you, and you are with me

Cause by now, I know you better than you know yourself.

Can someone tell me if there is a full moon or something? People are work today were nuts! I mean, I know that they are always on the crazy/ridiculous - the store has that effect on people - but I mean, people today were just... indescribable.

One of the joys of being a cashier is having to bag stuff, and if I do say so myself, I am pretty damn good at it. As a curtesy, I ask "would you like one bag or two?" The best answer is to say one. Why? It saves time and you need to man up and use those muscles that you were given. The even better answer is to say "One... if it all fits." It will always fit. ALWAYS. On a rare occasion, your bread, chips, and cookies might not make it, but as a snacker, I don't want to assault the goodies. Men are even better with this, because now to them it's a game; the girl couldn't possibly fit all of that into a bag. Then they think it's appropriate to suggest that I'm not going to make it, and BOOM! You have one bag sir... NEXT!

The second answer I frequently get is to "two bags with the weight evenly distributed." This is helpful if you have two of every item, because then legitimately it can be evenly distributed. But, don't scoff if you buy four jars of sauce, a bottle of olive oil, and then two apples. A cousin situation happened to me today when the woman had four cartons of chicken broth, a large bottle of Orangina, and a bag of shallots. She asks me for two bags (personally, one would've been sufficient), so I doubled the bag, put in two cartons and then picked up the shallots (leaving two other cartons and the Orangina), and before I set the shallots in the bag, she shouts "I want two separate bags! Not just doubled!" I slid the bag toward her and lifted up the second doubled bag and said, "I know." And finished bagging. Now, I don't have a problem with splitting the bags up because in my head I imagine these little old ladies walking lopsided through the park, but relax, you're going to get yourself all stressed out for no reason and you might not make it across the park!

The only time this two-bag thing is annoying is when perfectly capable, young attractive men want two bags for a small amount of things. Someone who is keeping track of things I like and don't like in men, write this down. If you are trying to be my boo (shush, it's hypothetical), you are required to be able to carry a bag of groceries.

Also, because I obviously don't know how to do my job, please tell me to put heavy stuff on the bottom first. Nope! Bread, cookies, chips, and eggs are going in first underneath of five containers of extra large soups.

Oh, these are paper bags with handles I'm talking about. Not palm-slicing plastic bags that rip if you look at them too much.

Oh and PS, if you can't carry it, don't buy so much. I'm not Harry Potter or Sabrina the Teenaged Witch, I can't make your stuff POOF into your high-rise.

And another sidenote, just because it's December and you're required to spend more money in your life, doesn't mean it's the end of the world. The store will be there all day, all week, all month, and even next December. Form a line, wait your turn, and give me your $500.

Speaking of $500, one of my Saturday morning regulars, he comes in and normally spends $200-$300 every week, because he buys for his house and his daughters (I assume that there are two of them because he buys in threes). Do you know what I would do for my dad to buy me gourmet noms every week? Multiple hundreds of dollars? Eh, I guess I'd settle for WalMart - I'd get more food. But I'd like to pick key points in life and just spend a weekend in these privileged lives. But working in this neighborhood and industry has taught me several things.
1. How to be snotty.
2. How to poorly treat people.
3. How to properly treat people.
4. How to scam small business owners.
5. If I ever open a store, you will be required to bring your own bags, or your arms better be made of elastic.

Finally, can we talk about December? Ma'am it is cold outside. And I mean COLD. I don't know how my fingers are still functioning from having to be outside. Yeah I know it's not the midwest, but you could've warned someone and not give me two 60+-degree days and then slap me in the face with 32mph gusts of COLD. Luckily I'm not in a snow globe... yet.

This is what three almost 12-hour days in a row looks like.